14 ways to get teenagers excited to participate in summer family activities

I stopped trying to sell family time as “family time” and turned it into a weekly challenge series with small prizes my teens actually cared about. In my experience, teenagers push back when something feels forced, but they lean in fast when there’s a clear goal and a bit of competition.

So I set up a Sunday night scoreboard on the kitchen wall. Each week had one challenge like cooking a meal together under a time limit or planning a low cost outing. The twist was that each of them got to design one challenge during the month, which gave them a sense of control that changed their attitude almost overnight.

The energy shifted once they started competing instead of complying. They showed up earlier, argued over rules, and even practiced ahead of time. Based on what I’ve seen, ownership plus light competition beats any lecture or schedule.

I used a reverse bucket list. Instead of asking what everyone wanted to do this summer, each teenager listed three things that sounded boring or overdone, and the challenge was to reinvent one of them into something worth leaving the house for.

That approach worked because it respected the reluctance instead of fighting it. Complaints became source material, which gave the teenagers a sense of control and made the conversation unexpectedly funny. A routine walk became a street photo contest, a basic dinner became a blind taste ranking, and a familiar park turned into a scavenger hunt with odd clues. Once boredom became the brief, participation stopped feeling like surrender.

Helping them meet their goals with the activity vs. asking them to just check their passions at the door for the good of the family was what finally broke the cycle.

My teen is obsessed with photography and creating content. When I offered to take a hike one weekend I was met with all the resistance. When I described the same hike as a place to scout content they could photograph with my camera I received an entirely different vibe. Same activity, different frame and they woke up earlier than me that day.

The hike itself was so much more enjoyable because they were present and fully engaged for the entire time. They taught me things about angles and lighting I hadn’t known, which changed it from me dragging them on a hike to getting to do something with my kid where they were the expert.

What I learned that summer was that framing is everything with teens. They aren’t resistant to doing things – they’re resistant to doing things where who they are feels unknown. Find the link between their passions and what you want to do and you’ll change the game.

The motivating factor for family activities this summer was skill swapping. Rather than sticking with traditional family activities, we scheduled a night to allow each person to teach the group a skill they could do well. Each of my teens had the opportunity to demonstrate their skill in some way. For example, they taught their group how to improve their skills at playing video games, completing easy computer tasks faster, playing musical instruments, and helped with the basics of cooking and offering other tips to members of the group.

What made a tremendous difference was having an audience. The excitement to be an “expert” created a level of excitement about participating in family activities that they did not feel before when they participated in something they didn’t like. We were able to build stronger relationships through this activity because of the opportunity to learn from each other, to laugh at one another’s mistakes and to celebrate successes. Family time had transitioned from being viewed as work into being grouped together as something fun.

Getting my teenagers excited for family trips was a nightmare until we started a shared trip log where they could all add photos and notes. My son would post pictures of his favorite gas station snacks, my daughter would add the worst songs we heard. Suddenly they wanted to come, just to get their stuff in the log. Turns out, if you let them document the trip, they start wanting to make more trips worth documenting.

My kids hated Sunday errands. So I tried making it a game. We’d drive around looking for cool buildings, then go home and try to build them in Minecraft as eco houses. Suddenly, they were pointing out windows and rooflines. It wasn’t my chore anymore; it was our project. Finding that overlap, that thing we could both get into, was the whole game.

Getting teenagers to buy in starts with letting them feel the stakes. I own an adventure motorcycle training company, and I’ve watched this dynamic play out with riders of all ages — reluctance disappears fast when someone feels genuinely challenged, not just entertained.

This summer I brought my kids out to our 2,500-acre facility in California. Instead of pitching it as “family time,” I framed it around whether they could actually handle it. That shift matters. Teens tune out invitations but respond to a quiet dare.

The same thing I see in our adult students applies to teenagers — once someone feels slightly outside their comfort zone, they lean in. The reluctance wasn’t the problem. The lack of real challenge was.

Skip the “fun for everyone” framing entirely. Give them something that’s genuinely difficult and let them decide whether they’re up for it. That’s what worked for us.

Resistant people buy in because of almost everything except the activity itself. It just depends on the picker. As soon as I gave my daughters some genuine idea of how our time was to be spent, the resistance faded away. Teenagers recognize the difference between being asked for input and being told what to do, and they react very positively to one of these. I believe I see the same process in effect. When we were able to move the placement of new hires into the place of our decisions, the change in the retention rate rose from our previous 50% to 84% within the first 90 days.

The summer I really had was the summer I wasn’t announcing plans anymore and was asking. It turned out to be a live music event I would never have chosen myself, but here people were, and it ended up as one of the best weekends of the summer. Not to mention, the other thing I quit doing was labelling it. The reality is that family time as a term has approximately a 0% standing with teenagers, as it comes with a sense of duty even before it begins. The lack of the label completely affected the reception.

This summer I got my teenagers to join family time by establishing a small, tightly guarded weekly ritual: we cook a meal together and then sit down without phones. Making it predictable and non-negotiable removed the pressure to plan something elaborate and lowered resistance. Because everyone knew exactly when it would happen, it became easier to show up and take part. Involving them in the cooking and focusing on being present rather than perfect turned short moments into meaningful conversations. Over a few weeks, that consistency is what finally got them excited to participate rather than seeing family time as one more obligation.

The one way I got my teenagers engaged in family activities this summer was letting off the pressure. With four teenagers, I learned quickly that the more I pushed an activity, the harder they dug in. The less I pressured them, the more open they became. Once I let the teenagers help shape the plan, then they stopped seeing it as something happening to them and started treating it as their own. I would ask them what they want to do, then stay flexible on the details like the time, the restaurant, and the type of outing.

The other shift I made was loosening the definition of “family time.” The moment I stopped insisting that it was only family and let a friend tag along, a teenager who would normally roll their eyes at a family dinner was suddenly excited to join us. It stops feeling like a chore and starts feeling like part of their plan that the family just happens to be part of.

Getting my teenagers to do family stuff used to be impossible. Then I tried a stock-picking contest over summer break — whoever’s investment did best got to pick our next adventure. At first they barely looked up from their phones, but once they realized they’d actually get to choose where we went, they started checking their stocks every day. By August, we were all gathered around the tablet watching the market close together. Who knew finance could make family time happen.

My teens used to groan when I mentioned family stuff. So I had them help me make care packages for hospital patients. We’d deliver them all over Manhattan, then hit up their favorite ramen place. Something about seeing who we were helping changed everything. They actually started asking when we were going again. If you’re trying to get your teens interested in family time, try adding their favorite food to the deal.

Teen and family fun were not exactly a strength this summer, and frankly, I was over it! This year, I handed over the reigns. We rebranded the hikes as “practice” for a charity walk, but they were in charge of selecting the charity and all of the donation management.

Witnessing the “numbers get better” and the ability to chat about their experience with their friends put the entire summer in the best possible light. No longer did they “have to” go, now they “want” to know when our next hike will be.

My teenagers were doing nothing until I handed them our backyard project. Real budget, final say, everything. They had to pitch their ideas to the family and actually make it happen. Suddenly my lazy 15-year-old was outside with a tape measure at dawn, and my 13-year-old made slides. Money talks, I guess. When their choices mattered, they worked harder than I’ve seen all year.