How to connect with your teen: advice from other families
Navigating the teenage years can be a complex journey, but it doesn’t have to be a solo one. This article offers valuable strategies, tried and tested by families and validated by experts, to strengthen connections with teens. Explore practical advice on creating bonding moments and understanding the subtleties of teenage communication.
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- Create Moments to Bond
- Listen Without Judgment
- Engage in Low-Pressure Activities
- Stay Side by Side
- Share Experiences Without Forcing It
- Let Them Teach You
- Be Present Without Pressure
- Give Them Ownership
- Prioritize Quality Time
- Meet Them Where They Are
- Ask for Their Playlist
- Focus on Small Moments
- Practice Active Listening
- Engage in Shared Activities
- Create Space for Conversations
Create Moments to Bond
Parenting a teenager is a journey full of discovery and growth. While my career as a dentist keeps me busy, my greatest passion is being a mom to my two teens (boy and girl). My goal is to create moments—both casual and intentional—that allow us to bond, share experiences, and talk about life. Connecting with people has always been something I love, but nothing compares to the joy of coming home to my kids after a long day.
One of our favorite traditions is winding down together in the evenings. Whether we’re watching a show or playing cards, even just 30 minutes of quality time helps us reconnect and reflect on the day. During these moments, I make it a point to ask questions in a way that feels natural and open, giving them the freedom to share without feeling like they are being interrogated. Of course, if they want to spend that time with friends or pursue interests like sports, I fully support their independence and encourage them to explore what makes them happy. My ultimate goal is to respect their growth while gently guiding them in the right direction.
I have found that family bonding is just as important as one-on-one activities. On weekends, when life feels a little less hectic, we often plan fun outings together. Grabbing lunch or treating ourselves at one of our favorite spots has become something we look forward to. My daughter will sometimes come shopping afterward—whether it’s browsing for clothes or picking out snacks—and these small adventures always leave us feeling connected. If we’re cooking dinner later that day, she’ll often join me in the kitchen, helping chop vegetables or season ingredients. These shared tasks may seem simple, but they’re some of my favorite moments with her because conversation is just so natural.
At the end of the day, I’ve learned that not every activity needs to be elaborate or grand. It’s the smaller, everyday moments that often mean the most—those quiet times spent laughing, talking, or simply being together. Those are the ones that truly strengthen our bond and create memories I’ll cherish forever.
Katie Orr, Dentist, Dr. Katie Orr Family & Cosmetic Dentistry
Listen Without Judgment
I discovered that the key to connecting with my teenager was listening without judgment. It wasn’t easy at first—I was so used to offering advice or trying to fix every problem. But one evening, as my child hesitated to open up about something bothering them, I reminded myself to just be present.
I sat quietly, nodding, and letting them speak. That small change created a space where they felt safe to share more, and I learned so much about their world just by hearing them out.
One activity that worked wonders for us was taking walks together. There’s something about being side by side, rather than face-to-face, that loosens the tension. On those walks, we’d talk about random things—movies, school gossip, even silly jokes.
Slowly, the conversations deepened without feeling forced. Those moments became our neutral ground, where lectures and arguments didn’t exist. They were just about connection.
I believe consistent small efforts to genuinely show interest in their world make all the difference. They might not admit it, but they notice and appreciate it.
Rachel Thomasian, Director, Playa Vista Counseling
Engage in Low-Pressure Activities
One piece of advice I’d give to families trying to connect with their teenage children is to meet them where they are without judgment—both emotionally and in their interests. Teens often pull away because they’re figuring out their identity and don’t want to feel pressured or constantly corrected. I’ve found that being present without always “parenting” in those moments opens the door for real connection.
One approach that’s worked well for me is engaging in low-pressure, shared activities where conversation happens naturally rather than being forced. For example, going for drives with no particular agenda or taking a walk often creates space for them to talk when they’re ready. There’s something about side-by-side activities—where eye contact isn’t the focus—that makes opening up easier.
Another game-changer has been getting involved in their hobbies, even if I wasn’t initially interested. If they’re into video games, I’d play with them; if they binge a certain show, I’d watch too—without critiquing it. This shows you value what they care about, which goes a long way in strengthening the bond.
Ultimately, it’s about creating consistent opportunities for connection without making every interaction feel like a lesson or interrogation. Listening more than talking, celebrating their individuality, and showing genuine curiosity in their world can bridge gaps more effectively than big heart-to-hearts forced at the dinner table. Sometimes, it’s those small, everyday moments of shared laughter or silence that build the strongest foundation.
Patric Edwards, Founder & Principal Software Architect, Cirrus Bridge
Stay Side by Side
The trick isn’t just hanging out—it’s doing something where you’re side by side, not eyeball to eyeball. Think shooting hoops in the driveway or tackling a leaky faucet together. You’re both busy with the task, and that’s when the good stuff slips out. It’s like how you might spill your soul to a friend while strolling down the street—no pressure, just the rhythm of moving forward. That little bit of distraction? It’s like a secret weapon that makes opening up feel less like a big deal.
Why does it work? Teens are at that stage where they’re itching to stand on their own, but they still need to know you’re there. When you’re elbow-deep in a project together—say, building a bookshelf or frying up tacos—you’re not just the parent fishing for updates. You’re in it with them. Compare that to the old, “How was school?” across the dinner table. One’s a natural hangout with room for real talk; the other can feel like a pop quiz. Those shared wins and quiet moments? They’re gold.
So, if you’re a parent reading this, carve out some regular, easygoing time together. Maybe it’s a Sunday ritual where you teach them your grandma’s biscuit recipe, or a standing gig to tune up their beater car. The “what” isn’t as big as the “when”—keep it consistent, keep it chill, and stay shoulder to shoulder. You’re not just making memories here; you’re building a bridge they’ll cross when they’re ready to share what’s really on their mind.
Justin Abrams, Founder & CEO, Aryo Consulting Group
Share Experiences Without Forcing It
Meet them where they are, not where you think they should be. Teenagers are figuring themselves out, testing boundaries, and seeking independence, which can make it feel like they’re pulling away. But if you show genuine interest in what excites them, you create a bridge instead of a barrier.
For me, the key has always been shared experiences. When I was first diagnosed, I realized how precious time with my family was, so I made a point of making those moments count. It doesn’t have to be big, grand adventures sometimes, it’s just a late-night drive with music blasting, a weekend hike, or cooking a meal together. The point is to do something that naturally creates conversation without forcing it.
Teenagers can sense when they’re being lectured or managed, and they shut down. But when you’re doing something fun together, conversation flows more easily. Some of the best talks I’ve had with my kids weren’t planned, they happened because we were in the middle of something we both enjoyed. And that’s really the secret: make time, be present, and let the moments come naturally.
Paul Jameson, Founder, Aura Funerals
Let Them Teach You
Let them teach you something. This approach flips the usual dynamic where parents are the ones giving advice and guidance, and instead, gives them a chance to be the expert. Whether it’s showing you how to use a new app, explaining a game they love, or introducing you to their music style, letting them take the lead helps build confidence and creates an easy way to bond. Teens often feel like adults don’t understand their world, but when you show genuine interest in what they enjoy, it sends a clear message: “I see you, and what matters to you matters to me.”
It also makes communication easier. Instead of asking direct questions like, “How was your day?” (which might get a one-word response), you’re naturally opening up space for more interaction. Even if their interests seem completely unfamiliar to you, the goal isn’t to become an expert; it’s to show you care. You might be surprised at how much they’re willing to open up when they feel valued and heard.
Bayu Prihandito, Psychology Consultant, Life Coach, Founder, Life Architekture
Be Present Without Pressure
Teenagers pull away. It’s part of growing up. The challenge for parents is staying connected without forcing it. The best approach is to be present without pressure.
Many parents try too hard—asking too many questions, giving advice at the wrong time, or pushing for deep conversations. That backfires. Instead, create moments where talking feels natural. Car rides, late-night snacks, or watching their favorite show together build comfort. The key is consistency. When they know you’re always there, they’ll open up when they’re ready.
Shared activities help, but they must be on their terms. If a teen loves gaming, play with them. If they’re into music, go to a concert. One parent found that running together led to deeper conversations. Another started a weekly “no-pressure” coffee outing. The activity isn’t the point—engaging in their world is.
Teen years test every parent. Connection isn’t about big gestures; it’s built in small, everyday moments. Creating space for connection instead of filling it with expectations strengthens relationships long after they leave home.
Cory Arsic, Founder, Canadian Parent
Give Them Ownership
Teenagers crave independence, and the more we push, the more they pull away. Instead of forcing connection, I’ve found the best way to stay close is by giving them something to own—something real. Whether it’s letting them manage their own budget, launch a side hustle, or even make decisions (and mistakes) that shape their world, I try to guide instead of dictate. I’ve learned that when kids feel trusted to take control, they naturally start to ask for advice, open up, and engage in real conversations. It’s just like business—people are more invested when they have skin in the game. Connection doesn’t come from constantly checking in—it comes from helping them build something they care about.
Solomon Thimothy, President, OneIMS
Prioritize Quality Time
One piece of advice I would give to families struggling to connect with their teenage children is to prioritize quality time together, even if it requires difficult trade-offs. When my son was a teenager, I was working long hours in a corporate job and felt we were drifting apart. I rarely saw him and had no energy to really engage when I did. I realized if I didn’t change something, I would miss out on precious years I could never get back. So I made the decision to retire early from that career to focus on rebuilding our relationship.
It wasn’t easy and required financial sacrifices, but being able to spend unrushed, attentive time with my son, whether it was volunteering at his school, taking trips together, or simply having meaningful conversations, proved to be the most valuable investment. Making a conscious choice to be present, even if it meant letting go of other things, sent a powerful message of love and strengthened our bond during a critical time. So to other parents I would say—you have a limited window with your teenager. Be creative and courageous in making them a priority while you can. The return is priceless.
Inge Von Aulock, CEO, Hire and Fire your Kids
Meet Them Where They Are
If you haven’t been told you’re embarrassing, then you’re not doing your job as a parent fully! Teens may roll their eyes or act like they don’t want you around, but deep down, they still need you. The key is to meet them where they are—both emotionally and physically. Instead of forcing deep conversations, find ways to be present in their world. That might mean watching their favorite show together, driving them to school without pressuring them to talk, or simply sitting nearby while they’re doing their own thing.
Find excuses to spend time together—whether it’s running errands, grabbing a bite to eat, or taking a spontaneous day trip. Create opportunities for connection without making it feel forced. They may resist at first, but those shared experiences—no matter how small—build the foundation for a lasting relationship.
Most importantly, listen more than you speak. When teens feel heard and respected, they’re more likely to let you in. Connection isn’t about controlling the conversation—it’s about showing up, staying patient, and letting them know they’re valued just as they are. So embrace the eye-rolls, make bad jokes, and keep showing up. They may not always say it, but they’ll remember that you did.
Malka Shaw, Psychotherapist & Consultant, Private Practice
Ask for Their Playlist
As a parenting coach, I get this question a lot. What I’ve found time and time again is that connecting with teenagers isn’t all that different from connecting with younger children or adults.
Remember when your kids were little and you were playing dress up or watching the same cartoon—AGAIN!? You did it though because it was a way to connect with your child. You would enter their world through their interests.
You can apply the same approach to teens. One of my favorite ways to connect with your teenager is by asking them to make a playlist for you of their favorite music right now. This can be a great way to understand them a little better and show your genuine interest in them.
It’s also important to allow your teens to have an equal voice in conversations. When you’re confronted with a hard conversation or needing to address certain behaviors, make sure you ask for your child’s perspective FIRST. This demonstrates a lot of good will and empathy on your end. Chances are your child will reciprocate when it’s your turn to share your perspective.
Rachael Fritz, Parenting Coach, Parenting on Mars
Focus on Small Moments
When families struggle to connect with their teenagers, the key is to focus on small, everyday moments rather than grand gestures. Connection isn’t about forcing deep conversations—it’s about creating space for them to happen naturally.
Start by meeting them where they are—whether it’s watching their favorite show together, driving without distractions (car rides often lead to unexpected conversations), or grabbing a snack together after school. Even a casual “Hey, I’d love to hear about your day” without pressing for details can open the door to connection.
One simple but powerful approach is to be present without an agenda—put away devices, give them your full attention, and listen without immediately offering advice. Teens are more likely to engage when they feel safe, heard, and not pressured to share.
One key piece of advice: Prioritize consistent, low-pressure moments over occasional big talks. Connection builds in the small, everyday interactions—over time, they add up to something meaningful.
What small moments have helped you stay connected with your teen? Sometimes, it’s the simplest things that make the biggest impact.
Erena DiGonis, Psychotherapist and Continuing Education Provider, EngagedMinds Continuing Education
Practice Active Listening
I understand that maintaining a strong bond with teenage children can be challenging. During these years, children experience significant physical, emotional, and social changes, which can lead to misunderstandings or distancing. Here’s one piece of advice that can help build a better connection:
Adolescents need to feel heard and understood, especially when they may be going through difficult emotions. The key is to listen without immediately offering solutions or judgment.
Create an environment where your teenager feels safe to express themselves, whether it’s about school, friends, or personal challenges. This non-judgmental space encourages them to open up.
Research published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence shows that open communication with teenagers is strongly linked to positive mental health outcomes.
Spending time together doing something both you and your teenager enjoy whether it’s a sport, a creative project, or just watching a movie—helps maintain a connection without the pressure of constant conversation.
One approach that has worked well for me personally is setting aside time for a weekly activity, like cooking dinner together or going on a walk. This allows for bonding in a relaxed environment, creating opportunities for natural conversations and shared experiences.
By fostering open communication and engaging in shared activities, families can strengthen their relationships with their teenagers and create lasting memories.
Dr Sankeerth Yellinedi, Neonatologist and Paediatrician, Marwellus Clinic & Diagnostics
Engage in Shared Activities
As a parent to a first grader and a high school senior, I feel for other parents with teenagers. Having children ten years apart highlights the stark difference between these two stages of life. Younger kids see their parents as superheroes, but that admiration is short-lived. Once they start transitioning into adulthood, it’s like a switch flips, and something in them pulls away.
I understand the evolutionary reason for this—if our kids loved us as much as they did when they were little, they’d never leave. Teenagers are preparing to make their way into the world, and distancing from their parents is perfectly normal. That being said, my advice for keeping bonds strong during these years is to find ways to engage with them in a way that feels natural; you should never try to force interactions.
For us, we try to host barbecues at our local park, which is gorgeous.
We play games, eat together, and encourage our teenager to invite their friends. It’s something we do often as a family, and it gives us a chance to connect. Creating spaces where they feel comfortable and bringing their world into ours has helped keep our bond strong.
Doreen Nunez, Founder & Creative Director, Mommy Rheum
Create Space for Conversations
One of the best pieces of advice for families struggling to connect with their teenage children is to create space for open, judgment-free conversations. Remember to take your time and don’t force interactions. Forcing interaction may have a negative effect and create more distance between both of you.
Understand that teens need to feel heard and respected, not just instructed or corrected. Instead of interrogating them about their lives, try to show genuine curiosity and interest in what they care about—whether it’s music, gaming, social media, or their friendships.
Some activities you can do with your teenagers are:
- Taking a drive together
- Watching a TV show or any movie series they love, even if it’s not your preference
- Cooking a meal together or going out for a casual coffee/snack
- Playing video games or engaging in their favorite hobbies
In summary, take your time and try out different methods to interact with your teenage children. The key is to be present without forcing connection. The more natural it feels, the more likely they’ll open up over time.
Desiree Teng, Executive Assistant, Singapore Mummy
