Navigating social media with children: Advice from parents and guardians

As a parent and someone who spends a lot of time engaging with families online, I’ve learned that kids don’t respond well to lectures, they respond to curiosity. Instead of treating social media like a threat, I try to treat it like a shared space we can explore together. When my kids show me a video or a trend, I don’t jump to judgment. I ask questions and let them teach me. That small shift opens the door to real conversations instead of defensive reactions.

One piece of advice I’d share with any parent is to start the dialogue before there’s a problem. Kids want independence online, but they also want to feel safe, supported, and trusted. When we take a collaborative approach, they’re much more likely to come to us when something feels off.

A simple way to start the conversation is by saying, “Show me something on your feed that made you laugh or think today.” It’s non-threatening, and it gives you a glimpse into what they’re seeing. From there, you can build toward trickier topics like privacy, comparison, or safety without sounding like you’re delivering a warning.

As a resource, I often recommend Common Sense Media to other parents in our community. They break things down in plain language and offer guides for different platforms, which is helpful when kids are constantly bouncing from app to app. The goal isn’t to control every click, it’s to stay connected enough that they don’t feel like they’re navigating it alone.

In 1986, the Environmental Protection Agency required companies to publicly disclose the toxic chemicals they released, but it did not restrict pollution levels. Surprisingly, pollution dropped by nearly a third simply because transparency changed behavior. The same principle can guide parents who feel overwhelmed by trying to control every aspect of a child’s online life.

Instead of relying on strict content restrictions, parents can focus on digital transparency and accountability. Screen monitoring tools can serve as a healthy form of visibility rather than punishment. When children know that parents can see their online activity, they are more likely to make thoughtful choices and come to parents when something unexpected happens. This approach turns online safety into an ongoing conversation about trust and responsibility, helping kids build the habits they need to navigate the internet safely on their own.

I find that it is important to ensure children feel safe and comfortable talking about their privacy online. So, parents can try to suggest co-navigating social media with their children instead of fully controlling what children can and cannot do.

Social media is a place for young people to explore their interests and creativity while connecting with like-minded people. Shutting children down when they want to do something will only encourage them to hide these things from you. So, create an environment for open communication and ask them why they want to post certain things, which will encourage digital responsibility over time.

The smartest way to help kids navigate tech isn’t to lay down the law but to invite them into open conversation as equals. Kids often know more about apps and platforms than we do, but they haven’t lived long enough to see the pitfalls. If you’re always lecturing (“Put that phone down”), you’ll just get eye-rolls and silence. But if you share your own experiences, like getting sucked into social media and feeling anxious afterward, you turn tech talk from a rulebook into something more real and relatable.

Start with an honest story: “I got caught scrolling last night and suddenly an hour was gone. Have you ever had that happen?” Suddenly, it’s not you versus them. It’s both of you figuring out how to handle technology’s pull together. You’re showing self-awareness, modeling curiosity, and giving your child permission to admit struggles without fear of judgment.

You can even try a team-building activity: watch a documentary like The Social Dilemma and make it a joint investigation, not a punishment. Ask, “I’m curious to know more about the truth behind this. Want to join me and find out more?” That way, you become allies working out the rules of a new world rather than adversaries. The best digital boundaries start with empathy, not enforcement.

Teach them about privacy settings before they need them.

Most kids jump onto social media without understanding privacy settings. By the time parents realize this, their kids have already overshared with strangers.

I sit down with my kids before they join any new platform. We go through every privacy setting together. Who can see your posts? Who can message you? Who can find you in search?

We set up their accounts together on my laptop so I can see the screen clearly. I explain why each setting matters. Public posts can be seen by colleges, employers, and strangers who might not have good intentions.

I also teach them to audit their settings every few months. Social media companies change their privacy policies often. What was private last year might be public now.

This takes maybe 30 minutes per platform. But it prevents years of problems later.

I run a company that specializes in offering secure digital environments to schools, so what parents really need to cover with their children is the risk of location tagging on social media posts. People tend to focus on the content of a photo, but the metadata & location information are usually overlooked and extremely revealing. Many popular social media sites automatically add the precise GPS coordinates when a picture is uploaded, even if the user has not actively selected to tag a location.

An attacker or a stalker can pull out those coordinates and identify exactly where a child is or where they are spending time repeatedly. This is a serious lapse in safety and something that parents need to fully understand and talk openly with their children about. A great way to start that conversation is to just ask your child, “Do you know how a stranger could actually find our house just by looking at the last three pictures you posted online?” That question immediately indicates the privacy settings issue and encourages them to be active auditors of their phone’s camera settings and social media permissions to turn off all location tracking permanently.

Be curious more than you are critical. Social media is not a tool as parents like to assume. It is an environment. Therefore, children aren’t using social media; they are growing up inside it. While most parents try to control their experience, they should focus more on how to co-exist in it with awareness.

Don’t ask, “Why are you posting that?” or “Who are your friends?” Try, “What do you like about this trend?” or “Why did you decide to follow her/him?” Their answers will teach you a lot, and they might begin trusting you with the details of their digital life.

I recommend Common Sense Media, a nonprofit that prioritizes kids’ safety in the digital era. Their guides help parents understand what platforms children use through context. Unfortunately, a lot of other guides use a fear-based angle when it comes to children using social media. Common Sense Media shows what’s trending, what is safe, and what to watch out for.

Talk early and often about boundaries.

Parents shouldn’t expect kids to instantly understand the safe and unsafe uses of social media. It can be a great tool for family and school-related communication, yes, but it can also expose kids to people and content they might not be prepared for.

For younger children and pre-teens, it’s okay to limit their privacy online as long as you’re clear about why. Framing it around safety, not control, helps build trust rather than pushback. Ask questions like, “Has anyone messaged you that you don’t know?” to help them think critically about who they interact with and what they share.

As they grow older and demonstrate more maturity, slowly offering more privacy shows that you respect their independence while still being a supportive presence. Social media is part of their world now, but we parents can help make it a safer, more thoughtful space by staying involved and approachable.

I believe the most powerful approach to guiding children on social media is to model the behavior you want to see. In my household, I show my sons what responsible posting looks like by being mindful about not sharing negative content about family members or engaging in online arguments. Starting conversations about specific posts you encounter together can be an excellent way to discuss digital citizenship in a natural, relevant context.