Resolving family conflicts: tips for maintaining harmony during activities
Family activities can sometimes lead to unexpected conflicts, but there are effective ways to maintain harmony. This article presents practical strategies, backed by expert insights, for resolving disagreements and fostering a positive family atmosphere. From guiding practical compromises to focusing on connection over correction, these tips offer valuable tools for families seeking to navigate challenges together.
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- Guide Family Toward Practical Compromises
- Practice Empathy Before Seeking Solutions
- Manage Guest List to Avoid Drama
- Slow Down and Find Middle Ground
- Use Humor to Defuse Tense Situations
- Create Space for Honest Communication
- Implement Roundtable Discussions for Conflict Resolution
- Assign Tasks Strategically to Reduce Tension
- Acknowledge Disagreements Without Assigning Blame
- Keep Good Vibes Flowing During Disputes
- Reframe Discussions Around Values and Understanding
- Use Five-Minute Swap Method for Decisions
- Model Calm Communication and Validate Feelings
- Focus on Connection Over Correction
Guide Family Toward Practical Compromises
When dealing with conflicts or disagreements, I always focus on finding practical, realistic compromises. Rather than approaching them as purely “win or lose” situations, I guide our family toward clearly identifying alternative solutions together. Usually, I’d say, “I see where both of you are coming from, but is there a compromise or middle ground we can find that feels acceptable for everyone?”
Practically, this might involve taking turns choosing activities, adjusting plans slightly so different preferences can be accommodated, or combining two different desires into a new option everyone can agree on. For instance, if one person wants to go hiking and another wants a relaxed day at home, we might compromise by doing a shorter hike followed by some relaxed time together back home.
Bayu Prihandito, Psychology Consultant, Life Coach, Founder, Life Architekture
Practice Empathy Before Seeking Solutions
One strategy I developed at work that works just as well in family life is simple:
Empathy first, action second.
At Bemana, when there’s a conflict or disagreement, I make it a point to truly listen first. I want people to feel heard and understood before we even start thinking about solutions. That same approach works wonders at home. If we’re planning a weekend and the family can’t agree, I’ll ask each of them to explain why they want to do something — not just what they want to do. We talk it through and come up with a plan that reflects everyone’s input. Sometimes we alternate choices, other times we blend ideas into one shared activity. Either way, everyone walks away feeling seen.
I believe this approach works because people’s needs are layered and hierarchical. If you reverse the order, jumping to action without empathy, you lose the human connection, and because of this, the solution often falls flat even when it’s a good one.
Linn Atiyeh, CEO, Bemana
Manage Guest List to Avoid Drama
The only way our family and my spouse’s family can truly come together peacefully is by being intentional about who we invite. There are a few individuals on both sides who thrive on stirring up drama, especially when they have an audience. Through experience, we’ve learned the importance of carefully managing the guest list—knowing whom to include and, just as importantly, whom to leave out.
Tammy Sons, Founder/CEO, TN Nursery
Slow Down and Find Middle Ground
Slowing everything down works best. I pause whatever we’re doing and simply ask, “What’s going on here?” This question opens up honest conversation without the pressure to fix everything immediately. I want to hear from everyone and make sure each person feels their opinion matters, even when we disagree.
Once everyone has spoken, I guide us toward finding middle ground, but never in a way that forces someone to give in completely. If it’s a simple disagreement, we’ll find a compromise or pick something entirely different, but I try to let everyone participate in the solution. The key involves respecting everyone’s feelings while keeping things relaxed, so we can get back to having fun without lingering resentment.
What has really helped me over the years is caring less about being “right” and more about making sure everyone feels understood. This approach ensures everyone leaves the activity feeling heard and included, and we can actually laugh about the whole thing later.
Susan Andrews, HR Consultant, KIS Finance
Use Humor to Defuse Tense Situations
Honestly, as a husband and dad, disagreements during family activities are a daily occurrence in our household—especially with children of different ages and opinions coming from all directions. Over the years, I’ve learned that the key isn’t avoiding conflict—it’s managing it in a way that keeps the mood light and the bonds strong.
My go-to solution is simple: pause, listen, and redirect with humor. When things start to get tense—whether it’s about which board game to play or where to eat—I take a breath and ensure everyone gets a quick chance to express their desires. I try to remain neutral, even when I secretly agree with one side, and repeat back what each person is saying so they know they’re heard.
Then I’ll crack a light joke or remind everyone of the goal: we’re here to have fun, not start a courtroom drama. That usually breaks the tension. If we still can’t decide, I’ll offer a compromise or pull the classic dad move: “Alright, rock-paper-scissors settles it!”
At the end of the day, I’ve realized it’s not about getting your way—it’s about ensuring everyone leaves the moment feeling respected, connected, and part of the team. And if we can laugh together afterward, I know I’ve done something right.
Rajul Raman, Marketing Consultant – MDA Training, MDA Training
Create Space for Honest Communication
For me, it always starts with remembering why we’re together in the first place. Whether we’re hiking, road-tripping, or just gathered for a meal, the goal is to connect, not to win an argument. So when a disagreement arises, I try to pause and create a bit of space for everyone to calm down and speak honestly. I’ve found that most of the time, people just want to feel like their opinion counts. That alone can diffuse a lot of tension. I’ll often bring a bit of humor into the mix, too. It’s hard to stay mad when someone makes you laugh. Another thing I do is maintain perspective. I’ve faced much bigger battles than deciding where to eat or who gets the front seat, and I think my family feels that energy from me. It helps set the tone. We’re all on the same team, and reminding each other of that, sometimes without saying a word, goes a long way. We’re not perfect, but we’ve learned how to navigate conflict without letting it take over the moment. Fun wins out, every time.
Paul Jameson, Founder, Aura Funerals
Implement Roundtable Discussions for Conflict Resolution
When things get tense, I like to hit pause and have a little ’roundtable’ moment—whether that’s sitting together or just gathering everyone up. Each person gets a chance to say what’s on their mind, and no one interrupts. It’s all about timing: you want to catch those issues before they get too intense and make sure to listen without pointing fingers.
One time, our family had a really competitive game in the garden, but it turned out the real issue was someone feeling left out of the planning. Just letting them talk about it changed the whole vibe. I try to make sure everyone has a role during activities, so no one feels sidelined. And we usually wrap up with something nice, like tea or dessert, which helps everyone feel closer.
Andrew Griffith, Founder, Garden Furniture
Assign Tasks Strategically to Reduce Tension
My go-to move is assigning tasks based on what people are worst at. Seriously. Everyone argues less when they feel like they are doing something they are allowed to complain about. My brother-in-law is terrible at grilling, so he gets to man the barbecue with a beer while I manage setup. This way, he gets to moan, I get results, and nobody explodes. The whole thing sounds backward, but it makes people laugh and loosens the tension before it spirals.
The moment someone starts raising their voice, I bring it down by assigning snacks or music. You cannot argue with a sandwich in your hand. Or at least not for long. I keep frozen party pies and a Bluetooth speaker in the shed just for that reason. It resets the energy without needing a lecture or a group hug. It sounds silly, but food shuts people up better than logic.
Caleb John, Director, Exceed Plumbing
Acknowledge Disagreements Without Assigning Blame
When things get tense at a family event, my first move isn’t to jump in and fix it. I slow it down. Take a breath. Then I say something like, “Sounds like we’ve got some different takes here, can we talk it through?”
Here’s what that looks like in real life.
At a holiday dinner, two relatives got into it over parenting choices. The volume went up. The energy shifted. Everyone at the table felt it. So I stepped in and said, “You both clearly care, but maybe we’re talking at each other instead of with each other. Let’s try one at a time.”
That small pivot, naming what’s happening without blame took the edge off. Once they felt heard, the defensiveness dropped. They started actually listening.
When I’m mediating family dynamics, I always come back to the same idea: the goal isn’t to agree on everything. It’s to stay connected while we disagree. That means naming the tension early, staying respectful, and making sure everyone’s got a voice. That’s how you keep the fun going without pretending the friction isn’t there.
Saranne Segal, Managing Partner & Mediator, Segal Conflict Solutions
Keep Good Vibes Flowing During Disputes
I gently remind everyone that we are here to have fun and support one another when my family starts to argue. After giving everyone an uninterrupted chance to speak, I like to make sure they feel heard and then search for a solution. We then make a decision that takes into account everyone’s needs. My best piece of advice is to keep the good vibes flowing by pausing if things become too tense or by adding a little humor. After all, we are all in this together!
Aleksandrs Tuls, Co-Founder, Rozie
Reframe Discussions Around Values and Understanding
My go-to solution? Snacks. It’s hard to argue when everyone’s chewing.
But seriously – most conflicts during family activities aren’t about the activity. They’re about not feeling heard. Taking a minute to listen, really listen, and showing basic respect goes a long way. You don’t need to solve everything, just make sure everyone feels like they matter.
Mateusz Mucha, Founder, CEO, Omni Calculator
Use Five-Minute Swap Method for Decisions
We keep a family rule: curiosity before correction in any conflict. If someone disagrees, we first ask why it matters. That reframes the discussion around values, not winning or blame. It opens up nuance rather than immediate defense mechanisms.
I’ve seen this work wonders with both children and adults. At our estate, it’s a principle we bring into everything. Being curious keeps conflict creative, not combative. The goal isn’t agreement; it’s understanding the root together.
Lord Robert Newborough, Owner, Rhug Organic Farm & Rhug Ltd
Model Calm Communication and Validate Feelings
I always follow the rule of the 5-minute swap. If there’s a disagreement about what to do, use the “5-Minute Swap” method: one person gets their way for five minutes, and then you switch. This removes the pressure of choosing just one winner and keeps momentum going. For instance, when deciding on a place to eat, one person gets to choose where for five minutes, and then you switch and the other person gets to choose. This way, both parties feel like their opinion was heard and considered.
Once I incorporate these tips, I can better manage my conflicts and disagreements with others. It’s important to remember that conflict is a natural part of life, and learning how to handle it in a productive manner can lead to stronger relationships and personal growth. The best way is to listen actively by paying attention, asking clarifying questions, and summarizing what the other person is saying. This shows that you understand their perspective and helps diffuse tension.
Jonathan Faccone, Founder, Realtor, Business Expert, Halo Homebuyers
Focus on Connection Over Correction
Conflict is a natural part of family life, and when approached with care, it can be a chance to strengthen relationships rather than strain them. My approach, both personally and as a therapist, focuses on creating space where everyone’s feelings are valid, and the emphasis is on guiding behavior, not controlling emotion.
When tensions rise, I remind myself and those around me that feelings are never wrong. Whether it’s frustration, disappointment, or anger, those emotions signal something important. It’s how we respond that shapes the outcome. I often start by modeling calm communication: lowering my voice, getting on a child’s eye level if needed, and reflecting back what I hear. Simple phrases like, “It sounds like you’re feeling really upset because you wanted to win the game,” or “I see you’re frustrated because you didn’t get a turn,” help diffuse immediate tension.
The goal isn’t to “fix” the feelings, but to help everyone feel heard and understood. Research shows that when people feel acknowledged and validated, they’re more likely to shift from reactive behavior to problem-solving (Gottman, 1999). So even in the midst of a disagreement, I focus on connection over correction.
I also set clear, calm boundaries around behavior. It’s okay to feel upset – it’s not okay to throw a game piece or shout. This distinction helps children and adults alike understand that they’re not “bad” for feeling big emotions; they just need support in expressing them in safe, respectful ways.
To keep the fun alive, I suggest pausing when tensions run high – take a few deep breaths, share a silly moment, or even step away briefly. Returning to the activity when everyone feels calmer reinforces that conflicts are a part of life, not the end of play.
Ultimately, my approach is rooted in modeling and teaching emotional regulation. When kids and adults see that disagreements can be met with curiosity, empathy, and respectful boundaries, they learn that it’s safe to express themselves – and that connection isn’t lost when things get hard.
Rae Francis, Counselor & Executive LifeCoach, Rae Francis Consulting
