Sandra Saenz
Sandra Saenz

platform-scottsdaleWhy do women ask a question, and then answer it themselves? Who do men say they’re going to call and then don’t? What causes women to panic when he hasn’t replied to a text in three hours? What are men thinking when they elaborate on their previous conquests?

Dating is like a box of chocolates: sometimes can be sweet and especially good when you get to the “surprise center.” Other times can cause a temporary high followed by a sugar crash. Occasionally it’s just a stomach ache waiting to happen!

Upon interviewing singles, one of my favorite descriptions was comparing it to a roller coaster ride. A roller coaster is fun, exciting, and we enjoy the fear inducing thrill of the unexpected turns. She said “Yea, it can be super fun but after 3 or 4 rounds of ups and downs with the same person, I just feel like throwing up.” Pretty insightful, I thought.

In our ever expanding affair with technology, texting, emailing, tweeting, insta-ing everything, we have forgotten how to just connect and be in the moment. We need to take more time, and being in the moment we will pick up loads of clues. Here’s the WISHES from single women and men, plus “6 Golden Nuggets” to open those lines of communication and enjoy the ride!

§  If They Only Knew! (from Women)

1.   If you want respect, it’s easy, just do what you say you’re going to do.
2.   We love flowers, romance and authentic compliments.
3.   A simple brief text as follow up means to us “he’s thinking of me”. Doesn’t have to be poetry, and doesn’t have to be 5x a day…just show me you’re alive.
4.   Don’t bring up your previous partner during intimacy.
5.   Home improvement projects and fishing accolades are not top “turn-ons” on a first date.
6.   Don’t ogle and discuss other women’s body parts when you’re on a date.
7.   Detach from your cell phone. If you can’t devote a couple of hours, then stay home and watch T.V.
8.   Be a man and ask me out on a proper date with a place in mind. Confidence is very attractive.
9.   Be honest and clear what you want. If you’re at “I just don’t know what I want.” – then call me back when you do.
10.If you don’t feel things will work out, then just say so. Don’t disappear or send a text or email. Talk to me and I will respect you for it.

§  If They Only Knew! (from Men)

1.   Don’t ask a question and then answer it for me, interrupt me or worst… “grade” my answer. We hate it when you say “wrong answer”!
2.   Be honest about who you really are. Ten year old photographs on dating sites, really? You think we can’t tell the difference? What else are you not saying?
3.   I am dating you, not asking you what food I should order on the menu, or fashion tips. If I need advice, I’ll ask for it.
4.   Don’t text or call excessively with no specific purpose. Do I have to respond to “How’s your day? If there’s no precise question, we don’t get it.
5.   Don’t bring up “the list” of past mistakes. We can’t keep up with you. We can barely figure out the new mistakes we’re making now. Feels like a competition.
6.   Don’t try to control every detail. We like you to surrender. Just allow it.
7.   Be affectionate. You’ll be surprised at how physical and visual we are.
8.   There is nothing more attractive than confidence and someone enjoying themselves. It’s a turn off when you complain about your insecurities.
9.   Get to the point when you’re talking. We have a very difficult time following the detours in your complex storytelling. What was the topic again? Feels like a test.
10.Tell me what you want and like. I really don’t have a clue how to decode your secret language. In your efforts to comply, seems you’re not honest. (?)

§  6 Golden Nuggets

1)   Listen: Just like in my sales training, the 70/30 rule. The person listening 70% of the time has more information. Listening is the most important part of communication.

2)   Be Present: Enjoy the current moment. Forget about the past, your cell phone and other people you’ve dated. This is the key to really connecting with the other person. Your combined personalities are creating a very unique and one time experience. Don’t miss it.

3)   Shift Your Focus: Focus on them and you’ll learn more, connect deeper and be less insecure. There’s nothing more attractive than feeling like you are the only person in the room with someone.

4)   Be Real: Just be your true magnificent self. After all, no one else can do that. This will naturally give you more energy and charm.

5)   Be Grateful: Remember, this person could be doing a million other things. They are here with you at this moment, so be thankful for their attention and time. Honor that.

6)   Have Fun: Everyone loves to be with someone who is enjoying themselves. There is nothing more magnetic.  Like Maya Angelou said “People may forget what you said, what you did, but people do not forget how you make them feel.”