Somewhere between the rise of after-school clubs, screen time limits, and those endless Pinterest boards full of craft ideas, something quietly slipped away. It’s not gone completely, but it’s definitely faded a bit. That quiet, slightly magic ability kids used to have to just ‘get on with it’. To entertain themselves without needing a grown-up to orchestrate every moment.
We’ve filled their lives with so many activities, enrichment, and apps that teach languages before they can tie their shoes, that we’ve somehow left less room for the kind of free-flowing, slightly scruffy play that doesn’t have a clear goal or outcome. The kind that starts with a spoon and a cushion and ends with a kingdom under the dining table.
It’s Not About Doing Nothing, Exactly
Self-entertaining isn’t the same as leaving kids to their own devices all day while the adults disappear into emails and laundry. It’s more subtle than that. It’s about building the muscle that lets children be okay with a bit of quiet. A bit of boredom. That moment where they hover in the kitchen saying, “There’s nothing to do,” and instead of fixing it for them straight away, you give them a beat to figure it out themselves.
And yes, it takes time, especially for children who’ve had tricky starts. Foster children, for instance, might not have had the kind of early experiences that make boredom feel safe, such as structure, routine, and constant support. Foster parent pay often covers therapy and specialised activities to help with these challenges, but building that quiet confidence to self-entertain is something that develops gradually through trust and patience. Once that foundation is there, even a little, there’s room to gently invite independence.
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The Myth of Always Needing to Entertain
Modern parenting (and caring) comes with this weird pressure to be a kind of cruise ship director. Activities! Crafts! Healthy snacks shaped like animals! But honestly, no one thrives under constant entertainment. Sometimes the best thing we can do is step back and let the mess unfold. Boredom isn’t the enemy; it’s just the waiting room before imagination walks in.
It’s okay if it doesn’t happen straight away. Some kids will stare into the void for a while, some will whine, some will try to sneak off and find the iPad. But given a bit of consistency and a bit of trust, they usually figure it out. They start building, drawing, and narrating little stories to themselves.
It’s a Slow Burn, Not a Switch
There’s no quick fix, no flashcard set or downloadable resource. Just time, space, and a bit of gentle encouragement. Maybe a box of odd socks and a pile of blankets. Maybe a window ledge full of pebbles and toy animals. Or maybe nothing at all, just the permission to not be told what to do for half an hour.
And yes, it’ll look different for every child. One might retreat into books, another might build elaborate cities out of cereal boxes. Some will need more guidance at first, especially if their past has made silence feel uncomfortable. That’s okay. It’s not about rushing it. It’s about showing them that there’s joy and freedom in those in-between moments.
Really, what we’re really teaching isn’t just how to play alone. It’s how to be okay with themselves. How to be curious. How to find joy in their own company. And that’s a gift they’ll carry long after the cardboard castles have crumbled.
